


Untitled

by goshinote



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27385924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goshinote/pseuds/goshinote
Summary: She went through an abusive relationship. She was damaged. She put herself back together. This is her story...Trigger warning: mentions and aftermath of sexual assault.Originally posted on FFN on 4/24/2020
Kudos: 6





	Untitled

**Author's Note:**

> I sat down to write this and didn't really know how to start.
> 
> This is not edited. I usually let my stories/chapters cook for a few days before posting but this is raw and real and I want it to help anyone that might need it. I wrote a brief story on this topic before, but this goes into more depth and is much more personal.
> 
> Trigger warning: mentions and aftermath of sexual assault.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or its characters. All rights to Rumiko Takahashi.

**Untitled**

I am running.

I am running so fast; my heart is racing and I can barely catch my breath. My legs are burning and every single muscle in my body is screaming for me to stop.

But I can't.

I have to catch her.

I have to warn her.

I have to save her.

But I can't because I erased him from my life. There's no going back. I can't go back. It would kill me.

But this girl...is it killing her?

She seems happy, but so did I.

His touches were laced with a disgusting lust that harmed me in ways I could never imagine. I could feel the fear and displeasure on my face, and I knew he could see it, too.

I don't like that, I said.

Yeah, I could tell from your face, he said back. He knew, but he never stopped until I begged him to. There were still times when he wouldn't stop.

But he said he cared about me, so why…?

Please stop doing that...I really don't like it, I begged.

Well, you're going to have to hold my hand so I won't do it again because I can't control myself, he insisted harshly.

He couldn't control himself? That doesn't sound like a loving, affectionate boyfriend.

I was self-conscious very often. He didn't like that.

When I tried to explain why I was self-conscious, he shouted my name and grabbed me harshly, shocking me into silence.

I was afraid.

It hurt.

The stuff I didn't want hurt.

I didn't understand why I was limping. I didn't understand how something could affect my whole body like this.

But he still kept trying to do it to me.

Why?

I asked myself that question so often.

When I told him I wanted to stop, he would sometimes lock his jaw, shut-down, and look away from me. He guilted me into apologizing and feeling like I was the one that had done something wrong.

But I would prefer that over him grabbing me or touching me without my consent.

Why?

I never asked. Even after the worst and most painful incidences, I never asked why.

Does that make me an idiot? Does it make me stupid that I didn't break up with him?

No. It doesn't.

I was the victim. I was gaslighted. I was manipulated. I was abused physically and emotionally. He was my first real boyfriend. That was a fact he knew, and he used it against me. How was I to know what was normal in a relationship? It's a big part of why I didn't report, along with the shame and self-loathing that came with it.

That wasn't on me. That was all on him and his horrific behavior.

It was not my fault.

I have made my peace with it; it no longer defines me, but it did for a very long time.

Instead of the book of my life being all about it, I have managed to shrink it down in a mere chapter of my life. I can move on. I have learned that it doesn't make me a bad girlfriend for saying no.

It makes me a strong woman.

So it is no longer myself that I am worried about.

It's her.

The new girlfriend.

Is she suffering like I was? Is he hurting her like he hurt me?

I see her kiss him in pictures, and it terrifies me to wonder if any of the kisses they share are not consensual.

It's like I said:

She seems happy, but so did I.

So I am running to her. I'm pushing my body as fast as it will go to try and find her, reach her, warn her.

Save her.

But I never reach her in time. Darkness swallows me in its all-consuming and terrifying mouth.

And then I wake up.

There's sweat dripping off my body. I can barely breathe as if I really had been running.

All of the emotions have come running back, and I feel tears silently streaming down my face.

I want to curl into myself and perish. I want to take an excruciatingly hot shower to wash off the feelings. I want to stay in that shower for the rest of my life because I feel like I will never be able to be fully clean from it.

And then a warm hand finds it way onto my arm.

"Kagome?" he murmurs gently. "Are you alright?"

I turn to see Inuyasha looking at me with obvious concern in his golden eyes.

At the sight of my tears, he sits up and moves his hand to wipe my face.

"Did you dream about him again?" he asks gently.

I nod and have to stifle a sob.

Inuyasha pulls me into his arms.

It is so comforting to know that I have found someone like him. I was the only one capable of truly healing myself, but having Inuyasha helped.

I am healed, but there are nights when I can't sleep and all I can do is cry quietly.

Then there are nights like these, when I have nightmares of the abuser and wake up as if it were still happening to me.

After three years of marriage, Inuyasha has gotten used to it. He never shies away, never backs down. He always comforts me.

"I'm worried about her," I murmur against his bare chest.

Inuyasha nods against my head. He knows I'm talking about the girlfriend. He knows that I fear for her and shed tears for her.

So Inuyasha just holds me for the rest of the night.

When sunlight finally starts to creep through the window and into our bedroom, Inuyasha lays back down, all the while keeping me wrapped in his protective embrace.

He kisses my head softly. "It's a good thing it's Saturday," he says quietly. "I think it's a stay-in-bed kind of day."

I sigh and shake my head. "I can't wallow. It's not good."

Inuyasha hums and tightens his arms around me. "You don't wallow, Kagome. You grieve. And that's okay. That warrants a little wallowing every once in a while."

He is quoting me when he mentions grief, and he knows it.

It's what I need to hear.

The abuser killed a piece of me, and no one ever truly gets over a death. I still grieve sometimes. It's inevitable.

"Okay," I finally concede. "It's a grief day. I...I think I need it."

It happens every so often. It used to last weeks at a time, then days at a time. It has shrunk down to a day, but it's still very hard to get through. My thoughts are muddled by the abuser and his new girlfriend.

God, I hope she's okay.

I wasn't.

So Inuyasha and I stay in bed all day, only getting up to brush our teeth and grab food to bring back to bed. We stay under the covers and keep the television off, choosing to talk quietly or sit in companionable silence. Bathroom breaks are the only times we get up. We had brought enough food to the bed to last the whole day.

It's how we always spend the grief days.

Inuyasha didn't know me when it happened. He didn't know the broken me for very long. We met a month before my counselor helped me to find closure, but he saw enough to understand. He understands as well as he can without having gone through it.

Thank God he didn't have to go through it.

Later that night, I'm able to get up and take a shower. I'm able to put on fresh pajamas and smile. Inuyasha turns on a funny movie and gets me laughing.

The grief turns into peace like it usually does.

It never truly goes away, but it fades into background noise until I am able to function properly.

It does not define you.

He does not rule your life anymore.

You are strong.

And I believe it.

FIN.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been weighing heavy on me lately. I added Kagome and Inuyasha's names to this story to make it a fanfiction story, but this is exactly what I have gone through. This is my story. I'm not married, nor have I found my own version of Inuyasha, but that's okay. I have my friends that listen to me cry about it and allow me to have my grief days.
> 
> Please, please, please, if you have had this happen to you or you are still in an abusive situation, do not ever hesitate to reach out to me. I love you so much already.
> 
> This is what it's like from a victim's standpoint. I hope it sheds some light on this topic.


End file.
